No Monkeys. Still a Circus.
I’m on a videoconference call at work when my cat suddenly jumps onto my desk, entering the frame seemingly from nowhere, superimposing his head or tail onto the graphic background I use to shield my drab office space from view. He startles me, because I sit with my back to the door that he creeps through, and I don’t hear him until he sidles up and makes a little purr-like grunt with the effort of the leap. My colleagues on the meeting see me jump, then aggravatedly try to push away the cat’s furry body before he starts shedding all over my black desk.
Another day, another virtual meeting, and now it’s a fruit fly that has made its way across the house from the kitchen, where old bananas have unwittingly created prime conditions for insect breeding. The tiny fly drifts in front of my face, and I clap my hands around trying to smash it, to the amusement of the other people on the call. To them, I’m fighting an invisible nuisance and might be losing my sanity.
Any number of prosaic things can disrupt the work-from-home life. When my son has to stay home from school, I’m guaranteed at least ten interruptions, some of which inevitably happen during a Teams meeting. Several of my co-workers have seen him pop into frame with a LEGO build or drawing or story to share. If they’re lucky, they’ll hear me react amiably with, “I’m on a meeting, buddy.” If they aren’t so lucky, I will forget to mute myself before hissing, “I’m. On. A. Meeting. Dammit.” (And she seemed so nice! I imagine them clucking during post-meeting gossip.)
A couple times, I’ve forgotten to mute myself before admonishing the dog for barking in the yard. She doesn’t bark all that often, so it’s startling when it happens. I’ll run to the nearest window, still wearing my headset, and cut into whatever was being discussed with a shout of, “Kali! No!” Once, the person on the other end of the line (someone I talk to frequently, who has seen the full range of interruptions) made a remark to the effect of, There’s always something crazy happening at your house!
It was a kind-hearted exaggeration, but goodness, I do feel like my home can be a circus, and not just during working hours.
Are monkeys actually common at circuses? I don’t know. My circus is primarily human, dog, and cat. Here’s a typical schedule of performances:
7:00 AM - Parental Juggling Act - Watch Mom and Dad prepare breakfast, dress and barely groom themselves, rouse the child out of bed, and cram said breakfast down everyone’s throats with mere moments to spare before school. Will the kid get enough calories to see him through to lunch? Will Mom remember to take the antidepressant meds she has missed for a week now?
8:00 AM - Annoying Cat Show - Watch the cat pace the length of the house, trying to get Mom and Dad’s attention while they work. He exhibits a thrilling variety of meows and cries, and contorts into amazing shapes to lick himself once he is within earshot of a conference call. When he finally pauses, will he spring from that seated position to reach out and swipe the ankle of the next person who walks by to get more coffee? You never can tell!
10:00 AM - Tricks for Treats - See the dog’s amazing, humanlike ability to gesture with her head toward the shelf where treats are stored. She’ll perform a repertoire of tricks to get one of those chewable goodies, including “sitting” for as long as five seconds. Will she learn to “stay” as well? Will she slip on the hardwood floor during a speed run when she hears the opening of a snack bag? Thrills, chills, spills!
12:00 PM - Lunch Quest - Strap in for the ride as Mom and Dad attempt to find an hour together to grab a decent lunch in Salem, Oregon. See how quickly they can exit the car after returning and bound up the steps into the house to make their 1:00 meetings. Will they regret having blown too much money on a mediocre meal? Will they spend the afternoon with stomach aches? The peril is real!
1:00 PM - Doggy Dance - Observe the dog, jealous of the humans’ recent outing, beg for her own chance to get outside. You will marvel at the 180-degree waggling butt and desperate, yet adorable eyes!
2:00 PM - Pet Showdown - Experience the tension between mortal enemies as the dog approaches the cat to ask for playtime. It’s a showdown between the dog’s unbridled enthusiasm and the cat’s eternal desire to nap. How long will the cat tolerate being sniffed and licked? Will the confrontation end with hissing and claws?
3:00 PM - Wakefulness Challenge - See Mom and Dad struggle mightily against the pull of afternoon drowsiness to meet the responsibilities of the last two hours of working time. How many shots of espresso will they dare to down?
5:30 PM - Return of the Child - Be amazed by this first grader’s ability to hold court from now until after bedtime. Expect hours of bemusing pronouncements, puzzling questions, silly faces, dancing, drawing demonstrations, and real-time narration of video game playing. Coupled with the dog’s excitement at everybody now being home, the energy in this circus tent has never been so high and so wild. Will the child calm down and respect Mom and Dad’s desire for quiet after a long day, or will he wear them out? How many times will he say “six seven”?
Step right up.